Your name never came up

Two resources worth bookmarking before we start:

I’ve spent a lot of my career in rooms where people’s names get discussed when they aren’t there. A role opens up. A project needs an owner. Someone has to take on more. The conversation moves, and sooner or later somebody says a name.

Then someone else says, “Yes, I’ve seen what they can do.” Two short sentences, and a career moves. I’ve watched that happen more times than I can count.

I’ve also watched top performers never enter the conversation at all. Nobody argued against them. Their name simply never came up. They weren’t doing anything obviously wrong. They were delivering, and their manager liked them. They may even have had somebody they called a mentor. But when the moment came for somebody to put their name forward, the room moved on.

Many of the introverted people I’ve worked with were perfectly comfortable having a serious career conversation once. They were far less comfortable having it again. Saying it a second time felt like nagging, so they didn’t. They had said it and assumed it had been heard. Often it was. Being heard still didn’t mean anyone would act on it in a room they weren’t in.

Over the years, people have come to me and said they had a good relationship with their manager and had been told they had potential. My next question was usually some version of: Would that person put your name forward?

That question usually got a pause. Quite a few people had never asked themselves that.

It changes the conversation, because I believe there’s a difference between somebody who helps you think about your career and somebody willing to spend their own credibility on your behalf. Marissa King at Yale describes that difference as mentoring versus sponsorship. Mentors advise and support. Sponsors advocate, and they put their own reputation behind yours in public. Deborah Elam, formerly of GE, is quoted in the same piece with the line I keep coming back to: a sponsor will “put their name next to your performance.” I recognize it immediately from what I’ve seen in organizations.

I’ve known managers who cared deeply about someone’s development but still hesitated when a real opportunity appeared. Sometimes they had a good reason. They hadn’t seen enough from the individual yet, or there was a particular gap they weren’t comfortable ignoring. What bothered me was that the employee rarely knew any of that. They walked out of every one-on-one feeling encouraged, and out of every promotion round surprised.

If I keep telling someone they’re doing well and ready to grow, I owe them a clearer answer about what I would do when an opportunity appears.

Would I say their name? If I wouldn’t, what am I waiting to see? That conversation is a lot more useful than another round of “keep doing what you’re doing.” I’ve never found that sentence particularly helpful as career advice. It sounds warm, but it leaves the employee with almost nothing to act on.

The 2025 Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey and LeanIn.Org gives me another reason to take that distinction seriously. In the US companies it studied, employees with sponsors were promoted nearly twice as often over the past two years as those without them. I wouldn’t turn that into a promise about what sponsorship will do for any one person, but it matches what I’ve seen. Who is willing to back you shapes what happens to your career in the rooms you’re not in.

That’s why I treat sponsorship as practical career work. It deserves the same attention you give your development plan.

People ask me how to find a sponsor. My first question is: who has seen you do work that would make them confident recommending you? If someone knows your work and understands where you want to go, have the conversation.

I wouldn’t open with “Will you be my sponsor?” That sounds like you’ve handed them a job description they didn’t apply for. Ask this: “When something comes up that fits the direction we’ve discussed, would you feel comfortable putting my name forward?”

Then listen. A yes is encouraging. A hesitant answer can tell you more. Perhaps they haven’t seen you handle work at the next level, or perhaps they don’t know what role you want. Or maybe they simply aren’t involved in those decisions.

Sometimes nobody comes to mind at all. That’s uncomfortable to admit, and it tells you where the groundwork starts. Start by clarifying the role you want and who will likely influence decisions about it. Look at the work you’re already doing. Which problems matter beyond your team? Who else needs to see your contribution to those problems?

Pick one relevant person. Find an opportunity to work together or contribute to something they care about. Deliver on it, and follow up with the result. Leave the career request out of that follow-up, because the result does the work for you. They get evidence of your judgment and an understanding of your ambitions.

That’s the process I take people through in From Invisible to Unforgettable: identify the right work, make it visible to the right people, and build a rhythm you can maintain. It’s a free download. The aim is to give one person a sound reason to back you, which is how building influence quietly works in practice.

I’ve been asked to advocate for employees whose ambitions were still inside their heads. I can’t say your name with confidence if I don’t know which door you want me to say it in front of.

Managers have a responsibility too. If someone tells me where they want to go, I owe them an honest account of what I’d need to see. When talent reviews rely on informal conversations, managers should ask whose name hasn’t come up yet. Otherwise, the people who are good at getting noticed keep getting considered.

Think about a person whose career advice you trust. Now forget the quality of the advice for a moment. Have they ever put your name forward for something when you weren’t there?

If you’re not sure, ask the question: “When something comes up that fits the direction we’ve discussed, would you feel comfortable putting my name forward?” Don’t try to persuade them while they’re answering.

If the answer is hesitant, ask: “What would you need to see from me before you could?” That gives you something you can work with.

If you manage people, I would turn the same question around. Think of somebody you regularly tell is doing excellent work. If the right opportunity appeared tomorrow, would you mention them before they had to ask? If not, work out why, and then tell them. They can’t close a gap they’ve never been shown.

If you’re comfortable talking to senior people, you’re likely to be present for more informal conversations where opportunities start to take shape. That gives you a chance to do something useful with that access. Sometimes the contribution is as simple as: “Have we considered [name]? I’ve seen them handle this kind of work, and I think they should be part of the conversation.”

I’ve seen one sentence like that change a discussion’s direction. You don’t need to oversell anyone. You just need to make sure the room hasn’t forgotten a good candidate simply because they’re not there. Some of the sponsorship I’ve seen work well came from extroverts who did exactly this for colleagues who would never have asked.

Use this if you have somebody who gives you useful career advice, but you’re unsure how far that support goes.

Remove names, confidential information and sensitive company details first, and use it only in a work-approved AI tool.

I’ve built something I’ve wanted to offer for a long time: a coach that works with you every week, the way I would if I could sit across the table from you.

It’s called The Unforgettable System, and it’s a digital version of me. I wrote every lesson myself, and it coaches you through my method the way I would in a one-on-one. Lesson by lesson, it helps you make sure the right people see your work.

It works with your role, your goals and where you’re stuck, so every lesson applies to your situation. When you hesitate, it asks the questions I’d ask.

Before it goes on sale, I’m opening it early to 10 people. You get the full program for free and my personal attention on your feedback. In return, tell me honestly what works and what doesn’t.

If this edition made you wonder who would say your name, this is a top place to start.

It takes under a minute to apply, and I’ll confirm as soon as possible.

Choose one person who knows your work well. Ask: “When something comes up that fits the direction we’ve discussed, would you feel comfortable putting my name forward?” Then leave enough silence for a real answer.

If you manage people, choose one person you believe is capable of more, and ask yourself whether you’re prepared to put their name forward in the room where the decision is being made. If the honest answer is “not yet,” write down what you’d need to see, and share it with them this week.

You helped once. Now it’s your job.

Extra work can become permanent long before anyone talks about the role.

I’ve sat in plenty of promotion conversations, and I know good work doesn’t always introduce itself. Someone has to connect the person to the opportunity. You can do a lot yourself. You can make your ambitions clear and give people evidence of what you’re capable of. What you can’t do is sit in every room where your future might be discussed.

That’s where you need other people saying your name.

And if you’re the one doing the encouraging: if I’ve been telling someone for months that they’re ready for more, I should know whether I’m prepared to say the same thing when they’re not sitting across the table from me. If I’m not, they deserve to hear it from me. Finding out through another promotion round that passes them by is a poor way to learn it.

In your corner,
— Steven

P.S. Forward this to someone whose name should come up more often. You might be the first person to say it.

P.P.S. When your name comes up next, will the right people know what you’ve done? From Invisible to Unforgettable is my free guide to making sure they do.